So a lot of stuff has gone down recently. Some of this stuff is funny, and some of it is not funny. Since you’re probably way too busy and important (with things, like, oh I dunno, a job and adult responsibilities) to keep up with everything, and since I’m pretty much glued to my couch watching Lifetime movies, I’ve decided to do you a solid and sort it all out for you.
You know what happened this week that was decidedly not funny? My dog eating shrimp tails and coffee grounds out of our trash can and then…um…gassing us out.
Also not funny: the fact that Eva Mendes is apparently seven months pregnant with the son of God. Ryan Gosling, I thought we agreed that you would only impregnate me.
Additional non-funny recent events: That World Cup score. I know like….absolutely nothing about soccer except that it involves really nice, sculpted calves and sweaty South American men with thick curly hair…I forgot what we were talking about.
You know what is funny? Last week’s Supreme Court ruling about Hobby Lobby and birth control (I’m pretty sure telling people you shop at Hobby Lobby is all the birth control you need, but whatever). It’s funny because it’s such a ridiculously laughable decision, but it’s also not funny because half of the members of the highest court in America basically told women to go fuck themselves. (Cuz you can’t get pregnant that way. Duh.)
That about wraps it up for This Week In Pictures.
Also, I lied about there being pictures. Sometimes I lie. The world is a cruel, disappointing place. It’s best you learn this now.