My Anti-Women #YesAllWomen Post

Okay, so it’s not really “anti-women” per se, but I needed to get your attention. This is important.

The #YesAllWomen campaign is about telling the truth about women’s rights in this country and worldwide. It’s about the fact that yes, in fact, all women have experienced some form of sexual harassment, abuse, or assault at the hands of men. It’s about women and men standing up for other women and telling the world that events like the shooting and stabbing deaths that occurred in Santa Barbara last Friday and the misogyny that provoked them are not uncommon.

Caught up? Awesome.

So anyway, I started checking out the #YesAllWomen campaign on twitter – you should too! It’s interesting, captivating, heartbreaking, and empowering. It’s sometimes eye-opening, and sometimes not.

Here’s some examples of the types of things I was not surprised to see:

Obviously, any time a marginalized group wants to fight back or stand up for their basic rights, the group doing the marginalizing gets all freaked out and fights back. In this case, the marginalized group is us chicks. I want to be clear, however, that the oppressive group is not “all men” but is actually misogynists of any type (which hopefully includes only a small and pathetic subset of “all men”).

As we’ve already discussed, the comments section of anything is where humanity goes to rot and die, and so naturally we’re going to see the ignorant asshole guys who threaten to rape any woman speaking out against rape, or who use the ever-popular “everyone is oppressed” defense.

Par for the course, really.

Here’s what I was surprised to see:

I double-checked each profile just to be certain, but these last few tweets were all composed by women.

Oh, ladies.

Here’s the thing: some men are rapists and abusers and trolls and monsters and misogynists. This is an absolute truth. These men hate women and hate losing control to women and hate women having any power.

And that sucks, and it is absolutely not okay, but we knew that already, and it’s why #YesAllWomen was started in the first place. The whole idea was to get the attention of men and call on them to join us in the fight for equality.

What I didn’t expect was the amount of women-hating women out there. That’s right: to me, if you are a woman, you have certain obligations to other women. You have an absolute responsibility to be a safe haven for women everywhere – for victims of abuse, assault, rape, violence, aggression, hate. You should be the one who takes another woman into your arms and whispers, “I am with you. You’re safe here.”

Every time, every single time, there’s a sexual assault that gets attention in the media, there are women everywhere who condemn the victim for being slutty/stupid/naive/ugly/pretty/fat/skinny/annoying/drunk/high/naked/flirty/popular/lame. There are women everywhere who roll their eyes and shake their heads and exchange knowing glances because she must have been asking for it. What they’re really saying, these women, is, “That would never happen to me. I’m too smart. Too proud. Too cautious. Too sober. I would never let that happen.”

If you’ve ever said any of those things, then it is you, my friend, who ties your best friend’s hands behind her back while her boyfriend punches her in the gut. It is you who holds your sister down while some guy at a party takes advantage of her. It is you who holds open the door to every misogynistic rapist loser looking for a target, because as your voice echoes, “It’s HER FAULT!”, you become another hand clamped over her mouth, silencing her cries.

Yes, I feel pretty strongly about this.

Are you a woman? Then you should too.

Being the “cool girl” or the “non-feminist” or the girl who can take a joke isn’t worth stealing the voice of one more victim.

I promise you, one of your best friends or your cousins or your classmates has been raped. I promise you, the last time you made a joke about some girl “asking for it,” someone close to you felt your knife twist into her back.

#YesAllWomen deserve support and compassion and loyalty and respect.

From, yes, all women.


If You Don’t Want Your Vagina on Facebook, Don’t Bring it to Work With You

You know, just yesterday I was whining about how my mind was empty of things to write about and worrying that I’d reached my blogging peak after just five little posts.

And then, this morning, I woke up to this: Massachusetts court says “upskirt” photos are legal.

Honestly, it’s like the universe swaddled me in a blanket of puppies and whispered, “Here you go. This is just for you.”

In case you missed it, this is pretty much what happened:

A few years ago, a creepy dude was caught taking creepy pictures with his cell phone on a subway train. He wasn’t documenting his dinner for Instagram or finding the perfect selfie angle for his mom (like, you know, a normal person). Instead, he was secretly taking pictures up the skirts of women with whom he was not acquainted.

In other words, he was trying to get shots of strange chicks’ vaginas, or underwear, or butts, or whatever. Without their knowledge.

You know, because it’s super tough to just find pornography online or on television or in a store or in your imagination, and everyone knows it’s way better to make your own. With people who don’t know they’re involved in it. Surprise Porn, as I like to call it (patent pending).

Anyway, so this guy got caught and went to court, as creepy Surprise Porn directors tend to do.

So far, you’re probably nodding along, thinking, “Yes…yes…this all seems to make sense…I, for one, would rather not have my vagina on your iCloud…” because you are a Human Woman and you brazenly assume that the only people who are allowed to enjoy your underwear and what’s beneath it are those who are expressly invited. (I know, I know, we women have gotten so uppity.)

Well stop nodding and lock up your crotches, because here’s the kicker:

Today, Massachusetts’ highest court ruled that the Secret Subway Crotch Photographer was, in fact, engaging in a perfectly legal activity. (Like you, I’m assuming that “highest court” is referring to the amount of pot smoked by these esteemed individuals in order to make such a ruling.)

Here’s why:

According to Chapter 272, Section 105(b) of Massachusetts General Laws,

“Whoever willfully photographs, videotapes or electronically surveils another person who is nude or partially nude, with the intent to secretly conduct or hide such activity, when the other person in such place and circumstance would have a reasonable expectation of privacy in not being so photographed, videotaped or electronically surveilled, and without that person’s knowledge and consent, shall be…punished.” (Emphasis mine.)

According to, the high court ruled that the practice of attempting to photograph up a woman’s skirt on the subway did not violate said law because the women who were photographed while riding Boston public transportation were not nude or partially nude.

Basically, because the women were wearing clothing to cover their sweet-smelling lady-bits, they were not assuming the expectation of the privacy of said lady-bits. Even though…you know…they covered them…for privacy. I know, it’s a brain teaser.

So, since I’m a glass-half-full kind of girl, I’m going to choose to see the silver lining here. The good news is this: for those of you who generally ride the subway butt-ass naked, you’re fully protected under the law! NO ONE has a right to take a picture of your bare undercarriage as long as it’s totally exposed to the world! Thank goodness the law is finally catching up with the times, and I can rub my delicate vaginal skin right on a warm, vomit-stained train seat without fear of someone exploiting my body by taking a photo.

really feel like women and the constant objectification of our bodies is being taken seriously.

There is a downside, however. (I know, I’m really reaching.) The ruling states that the women photographed supposedly were not allowed the expectation of privacy for another reason: They had willingly entered into a public setting.

I mean, if they had just stayed home instead of having the audacity to pay for and ride public transportation (with their vaginas with them, no less!), no one would have bothered with their hoo-has at all! It’s so simple, really: don’t go in public, and the public won’t exploit you! Duh. I mean, it’s sort of like how us ladies should just stop getting raped all the time, rather than assuming that other human beings might not rape us!

I’m really getting so sick of all these women thinking they can just go gallivanting around, vagina in tow, and just expect that no one is going to reach up underneath their clothing and try to snap a secret photo to jerk off to later.

But, for those of you “progressive-type” girls who don’t want to find your vagina getting photobombed on Tumblr, I offer this advice:

Go everywhere naked to legally protect yourself from unwanted photographers.

If you must wear clothing, then stay inside your house. Once you’re out in the world, all bets are off. Your vag is fair game. Do you really need to work and go to school and socialize and shop and pick up your kids, anyway? I mean, at that point, aren’t you really just asking for it? 

Honestly, if you’re taking your vagina outside, you might wanna slap some lipstick on the ol’ girl. Her fifteen minutes of fame could be right around the corner. Of the subway. Where that creepy guy is sitting.