My Anti-Women #YesAllWomen Post

Okay, so it’s not really “anti-women” per se, but I needed to get your attention. This is important.

The #YesAllWomen campaign is about telling the truth about women’s rights in this country and worldwide. It’s about the fact that yes, in fact, all women have experienced some form of sexual harassment, abuse, or assault at the hands of men. It’s about women and men standing up for other women and telling the world that events like the shooting and stabbing deaths that occurred in Santa Barbara last Friday and the misogyny that provoked them are not uncommon.

Caught up? Awesome.

So anyway, I started checking out the #YesAllWomen campaign on twitter – you should too! It’s interesting, captivating, heartbreaking, and empowering. It’s sometimes eye-opening, and sometimes not.

Here’s some examples of the types of things I was not surprised to see:

https://twitter.com/moedurden/status/472123587684753408

https://twitter.com/Jimmy007_007/status/470944842877779968

Obviously, any time a marginalized group wants to fight back or stand up for their basic rights, the group doing the marginalizing gets all freaked out and fights back. In this case, the marginalized group is us chicks. I want to be clear, however, that the oppressive group is not “all men” but is actually misogynists of any type (which hopefully includes only a small and pathetic subset of “all men”).

As we’ve already discussed, the comments section of anything is where humanity goes to rot and die, and so naturally we’re going to see the ignorant asshole guys who threaten to rape any woman speaking out against rape, or who use the ever-popular “everyone is oppressed” defense.

Par for the course, really.

Here’s what I was surprised to see:

I double-checked each profile just to be certain, but these last few tweets were all composed by women.

Oh, ladies.

Here’s the thing: some men are rapists and abusers and trolls and monsters and misogynists. This is an absolute truth. These men hate women and hate losing control to women and hate women having any power.

And that sucks, and it is absolutely not okay, but we knew that already, and it’s why #YesAllWomen was started in the first place. The whole idea was to get the attention of men and call on them to join us in the fight for equality.

What I didn’t expect was the amount of women-hating women out there. That’s right: to me, if you are a woman, you have certain obligations to other women. You have an absolute responsibility to be a safe haven for women everywhere – for victims of abuse, assault, rape, violence, aggression, hate. You should be the one who takes another woman into your arms and whispers, “I am with you. You’re safe here.”

Every time, every single time, there’s a sexual assault that gets attention in the media, there are women everywhere who condemn the victim for being slutty/stupid/naive/ugly/pretty/fat/skinny/annoying/drunk/high/naked/flirty/popular/lame. There are women everywhere who roll their eyes and shake their heads and exchange knowing glances because she must have been asking for it. What they’re really saying, these women, is, “That would never happen to me. I’m too smart. Too proud. Too cautious. Too sober. I would never let that happen.”

If you’ve ever said any of those things, then it is you, my friend, who ties your best friend’s hands behind her back while her boyfriend punches her in the gut. It is you who holds your sister down while some guy at a party takes advantage of her. It is you who holds open the door to every misogynistic rapist loser looking for a target, because as your voice echoes, “It’s HER FAULT!”, you become another hand clamped over her mouth, silencing her cries.

Yes, I feel pretty strongly about this.

Are you a woman? Then you should too.

Being the “cool girl” or the “non-feminist” or the girl who can take a joke isn’t worth stealing the voice of one more victim.

I promise you, one of your best friends or your cousins or your classmates has been raped. I promise you, the last time you made a joke about some girl “asking for it,” someone close to you felt your knife twist into her back.

#YesAllWomen deserve support and compassion and loyalty and respect.

From, yes, all women.

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13 thoughts on “My Anti-Women #YesAllWomen Post

  1. Thank you for writing this. It shows that women, as well as men are doing harm and perpetuating the culture we live in. On the flip-side, women and men are learning about issues that often go silent by participating in #YesAllWomen and that knowledge will hopefully help us all in the long-run.

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    • I’m so sorry that I’m just posting and replying to this comment; for some reason WordPress had it hidden away in my spam file. Thanks for the thoughtful reply – I definitely think #yesallwomen is creating a lot of important conversation on both sides of the dialogue.

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      • Even nearly a month after reading #YesAllWomen, the power of the message has stuck with me. I even started my own blog to highlight some of these issues. It has definitely opened my eyes and changed my perspective.

        Thanks for taking the time to reply too. 🙂

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  2. As a man who grew up raised by women, who’s mother rides along with police for onsite interventions for Interval House (a womens shelter for victims of domestic abuse) in addition to regular fund raising for them, I very much appreciate the cause behind #yesallwomen, but feel that as if there are some tonal issues to the wording of hashtag and the nature of the discourse that make it difficult for men to feel welcome in conversation.

    I have been the lone man, and a physical imposing one at that, is a room of abuse victims. I feel frightening, guilty, intrusive, and like the only comfort I can offer is to stand quietly off to the side. Part of me wants to engage gently, to provide some counterpoint or example that some men are kind and respectful and supportive, but I understand that it is entirely not the time or place for that behavior, no matter my intentions. But it can take days to shake the feeling that I am by nature a dangerous and unsuitable thing.

    Though I know it is not the intent the hashtag #yesallwomen carries a tacit #mostmenaretheproblem connotation that can put even someone who wants to help feel unwelcome, and make someone in the middle defensive enough to be disruptive. That in no way excuses the crass human garbage that rose up from the twitter sewer, but it does explain why men like me, that genuinely want to help, feel there is no place in discussion where I am welcome.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love your incredibly thoughtful comment! First of all – you and your thoughts are always welcome in the discussion here and I’m so glad to have them. Secondly, yes, unfortunately, some take the #yesallwomen campaign and twist it to mean #wehatemen, but that is not at all what it should be and degrading it in that way takes away from the powerful message of equality. I certainly don’t hate or fear “all men” – I am married to one of the kindest and most respectful men I’ve ever met, and have been privileged to know many, many intelligent, responsible, and good-hearted men. You sound like you’re from that group. 🙂

      It would never be my intention to make any man feel ashamed of himself simply for being a man; rather, I think men are such a vital part of the dialogue and it’s so unfortunate that you’ve been made to feel that your opinions are invalid. If more men (and women!) were as thoughtful about others’ feelings as you are, I don’t think we would even be having this conversation.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I appreciate the welcome. I’m just starting to creep out into the wider blog conversation and have been pleasantly surprised at the undercurrent of bright, curious, friendly people that run beneath the churn. If I’d known that happy grownups could be found in the wild I’d have left my blog cocoon years ago.

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      • No, it’s not the #wehatemen campaign. It’s the #WeHatePeopleWhoDontAgree campaign. Which is most men. And some women. But you’re perfectly ok with male sycophants who totally support you at the cost of their own gender.

        it’s funny that in your blog you DEMAND that all women support each other or else “then it is you, my friend, who ties your best friend’s hands behind her back while her boyfriend punches her in the gut.” – wow.. just wow. Anyone who disagrees with you is a rape enabler? Wow.

        But you really love men who don’t support each other and instead back the #YesAllVictims gender up.

        You’re the reason the sexes cannot get along, and that many men become misogynists. We don’t hate women. We hate you and your sort of double-standarded, illogical, crazed gender warring.

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      • Saying that ‘…many men become misogynists’ and then saying ‘we don’t hate women’ is at once identifying yourself as a misogynist (the use of ‘we’ when describing the group includes oneself) and completely denying what misogyny actually is: the hatred of women.

        I said nothing about the sexes being unable to get along, because I don’t believe that to be true in the least. I also don’t believe that ‘most men’ disagree with the #YesAllWomen campaign. The men I love respect and defend the women they love. If you believe that you cannot get along with any women, that is perhaps more about your personal misogyny and less about anything you’ve read here.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Well said. But sadly we don’t live in a world where all women are safe havens for other women. In fact, sometimes women are the perpetrators. I don’t understand how that can happen but I guess I’m glad I don’t understand it.

    All people have the ability to be assholes. I like to think though that it’s fewer people than we expect. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m currently telling everyone I know that a celebrity just posted on my blog and that that makes me a celebrity by default. Just an fyi.

      Thank you so much for visiting and for your comment – I read your #yesallchildren message and it got me thinking about how MEN aren’t the only “bad guys” and that WOMEN aren’t the only “victims” and that nothing is black and white.

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    • Thanks for the comment! At first I definitely thought you were calling me an asshole (because I have a vagina) and I was like aw, sad. But I think we’re actually on the same page! ☺️

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